Dutch Harbor report

From the local police blotter, as reported by the Unalaska Advertiser:

Assistance rendered, Aug. 25 — Caller reported a disoriented, intoxicated man wandering about at the City Dock. Officers found a habitual sleepwalker who had woken up in a wet WWII bunker and had walked towards the lights at the City Dock upon awakening. Officers escorted the man, who had arrived in town only a few hours earlier, back to his employer.

Suspicious activity, Aug. 25 — Caller reported screaming from the area of the footbridge near the library. She was unsure whether the screams were from foxes or women. Officers responding to the area found numerous foxes actively involved in the annual consummation of their relationship.

Theft, Aug. 27 — Caller reported his iPhone and a sleeping bag were stolen from his stateroom on board the F/V Alaska Warrior. Under investigation.

Suspicious person, Aug. 28 — A man reported his former roommate had attempted to poison him with tainted mouthwash five months ago, that he sent the mouthwash and $100 to a laboratory in Mexico (but has received no information in return) and that he wants his former roommate, who has since left the country, to answer questions in court. An officer advised the man that evidence of some sort might strengthen his case.

Drunk disturbance, Aug. 29, 0302 hours — Captain of a vessel reported two intoxicated, obnoxious men tried to fight with him when he asked them to leave his vessel. The boors had fled by the time officers arrived.

Trespass, Aug. 29, 0404 hours — Three drunken boors crept back on board a vessel and continued to harass the captain. Officers located the obnoxious oafs and issued a trespass advisement per the captain's request.