The Dutch Harbor report

From the local police blotter, as reported by the Unalaska Advertiser:

Suspicious activity, May 31 — Officer stopped a vehicle for an equipment violation and found a passenger in possession of tax-exempt cigarettes. The passenger told the officer he had been given the cigarettes by a man who is currently employed on a fishing vessel.

Assault, May 31 — Caller reported a drunken man kicking doors and generally causing problems at a bunkhouse. Investigation revealed that an intoxicated bigot had attempted to start a fight with a person of a different color, and had continued to threaten harm even when taken away by security. The bigot additionally broke a bunk bed, which he had in his misdirected anger begun kicking. Brandon Scott Perkins, 22, of California, was arrested for criminal mischief and assault.

Disorderly conduct, June 2 — A recently terminated UniSea employee caused a ruckus at the Grand Aleutian hotel after his former employers refused to provide him with transportation to the airport. The ex-employee phoned police to report this grave infraction and then accused both his ex-employer and the police of violating his civil rights by failing to provide this service. An officer advised the man he would be arrested if he did not immediately leave UniSea property.

Ambulance request, June 2 — EMS services were requested to transport a patient from a vessel directly to a waiting Coast Guard helicopter.

Assistance rendered, June 3 — Police and harbor coordinated a response to the small-boat harbor, where a man has allegedly been operating an unlicensed, open-air auto repair business.

Assault, June 3 — A quite inebriated man reported he had been assaulted and wanted his assailant arrested. Officers determined that the "victim" had been drinking in a friend's room, began making derogatory statements to the friend and then refused to leave when asked to do so. The victim then threw beer in his friend's face, after which he struck his friend with a full can of beer, causing a beer can-shaped wound on his friend's forehead. The friend, who did not want to press charges, finally punched the victim twice, causing a black eye and bloody nose, after which the victim left with his remaining beer and blood-soaked clothing. Officers explained to the rather irate victim that his friend would not be arrested.

Ambulance request, June 5 — Caller requested an ambulance for a man who had been struck by several cases of frozen fish product.

Domestic disturbance, June 5 — Husband was concerned that his wife might be a danger to herself due to the amount of alcohol she had consumed this evening. Midway through this report, the wife took the phone from him and reported that her dumb husband was cheating on her and sending her hard-earned money to his foreign girlfriend. Officers determined that the couple's marital difficulties had not escalated to a point where further police intervention was required.