Dutch Harbor report

From the local police blotter:

Protective custody, Feb. 22 — An extremely intoxicated man was found comatose in the Magone Marine galley, and was subsequently dragged into Title 47 protective custody.

Assistance rendered, Feb. 24 — Officers responded to the airport regarding a report of a drunken man causing numerous problems in the terminal. Investigation revealed that a single besotted man had roundly cursed airline employees and attempted to pick fights with no less than five people. His last victim, who told officers he was performing a community service, smacked the drunk on the head and then stood over him and told him not to be so rude. None of the victims wished to pursue charges, as they all felt justice had already been served.

Welfare check, Feb. 25, 2323 hours — Vessel captain rescued an inebriate who had fallen into the water near the Spit Dock. Both men were out of the water quickly and did not need medical assistance.