The Dutch Harbor report

From the local police blotter, as reported by the Unalaska Advertiser:

Drunk disturbance, Nov. 19 — Officers responded to the Harborview Inn after receiving a report of a fight in progress, and found that UniSea security had successfully detained two drunken sailors who had been whaling on one another in the hotel. Neither suspect was capable of providing adequate information about what had occurred, though it was clear that at some point pieces of cheesecake were involved. Robbie Osborne Jordan, 21 yoa, and Marcus Torgerson, 22 yoa, both of Washington, were arrested for disorderly conduct.

Trespass, Nov. 19 — Two men who had been engaged in cheesecake combat in their hotel room were issued trespass advisements, per UniSea management.

Liquor law violation, Nov. 21 — Anonymous caller reported a minor female was consorting and drinking with an older man employed on a vessel at Westward Seafoods. Officers searched the boat and contacted the minor's parent, but did not locate either of the parties in question.

Welfare check, Nov. 22 — Officers contacted two drunks who had recently been barred from virtually all hotels in the community, and informed them they were not allowed to sleep in the airport either. One of the drunks readily agreed to leave while the other provided a civics lesson on taxpayer dollars, police salaries and the obligations of cities to provide lodging to drunken, unemployed fishermen.