Dutch Harbor report

From the local police blotter:

Drug law violation, Feb. 23 — Captain of fishing vessel turned over some drug paraphernalia and a small quantity of as yet still illegal marijuana, which he had found in the stateroom of one his crew.

Assault, Feb. 27 — Officer responded to a local seafood processing facility at which two senior citizens had allegedly been fighting. Investigation revealed the two oldsters had been smearing fish guts in one another's face due to some longstanding enmity.

Theft, Feb. 28 — An extremely intoxicated person attempted to persuade police that he had been forced from his pickup by three police or U.S. Coast Guard officers who then fled in his vehicle. The inebriate was unable to remember anything else that happened in the preceding 24 hours except that he had been drinking. Officers later determined the vehicle in question had never been in his possession and had not, in fact, been stolen by renegades with short hair.

Roads, March 4 — Caller reported several buoys had fallen into the roadway from the back of a truck. An officer removed the buoys from the road but did not locate the truck from whence they came.

Suspicious activity, March 4 — A boat owner who had recently replaced a lock on his vessel door discovered that the lock had been broken and determined that persons unknown had clearly been sleeping in the vessel. Witnesses described two possible suspects. Under investigation.

Fraud, March 7 — Fisherman reported someone had made $1,700 worth of fraudulent purchases from his California bank account. An officer provided the man with information regarding additional investigation and reporting options.